Ain’t that the right question??
I bet if we knew the answer to this, we would be the experts in this area… as it turns out… well, I only have my own experiences to rely on and I will use that to explain to you, the best I can, how you can turn the situation around. I don’t mean how you can trick your partner into doing exactly what you want (but if you do figure it out let me know… research, of course!!) 😉
Seriously, I actually deal with this on a daily basis. I’m an “experiences“ kind of person and my better half, yes, my husband, is a “things“ person. I’m sure you’ve had a little time to go over the differences but, let’s just name a few so that we are on the same page!
Me, The “Experiences all the way“ half of the marriage:
Love going to a restaurant and having an entrée as well as the cocktail, the main course, dessert and the wine to go with it all!
My husband, The “I love all things and I will pay extra for the one that gives me five more minutes of light in it’s overall life time“ half of the marriage:
Loves connected “everything“ at home, cars, watches, splurges on a bottle of Rum (but not on a shot of Rum at the restaurant) and tools (I doubt if he even knows what half of them dare for…)
See the difference? If you’ve been hanging around here for a while, you know that I love a nice Carolina Herrera bag that is probably way too pricey for what it actually is, but, if I have to choose between the bag and a trip to Bali, you bet your buns I’m going to take the trip! Sure it’s only a week but imagine the sunsets the food and the drinks and the sandy beaches and the plane ride (I love plane rides and plane food, hey! no judgement here and no I don’t need to fly executive to enjoy it!).
Now, ideally, I’ll have both thank you very much! But that’s not the reality for most of us! And I know what brings me more pleasure, and it’s going anywhere, as long as I’m going and I’m experiencing something new.
For my husband, this was just a waste of money, because at the end of that week you were left with… well, memories and a magnet for the fridge and not much else…
We both lived the same experience in very different ways! But, we’ve been together now longer than we’ve been apart so, we kinda rubbed off on each other. I think he now enjoys Experiences way too much! 🙂
We’ve been away for a week in February and we hadn’t left yet, and he was already asking me to book something for the end of May because there is a certain concert he wants to attend in IRL! Me, I was so ready to come home after 4 days of vacation… All this to say, that you may start to fusion and actually start enjoying a more balanced lifestyle with experiencing and having! Some call it compromising and it used to be part of marriage… (no judgement here!)
What if you are still in that phase of getting to know each other and you have very strong ideas about what you want and are not willing to compromise? Or if that’s your partner’s stand, what next? Well, first of all, if you are committed to living a life as “one“ you should be open and communicate with each other. Tell your partner exactly what you want and why and be open to hear your partner’s side as well! It’s a two way street here!
Another option is that each one does as they please and f* it! But we both know that’s not really a marriage it’s two people living together who still live as if they were single. I’m sorry I’m very opinionated here because it’s just sad that we (yes, unfortunately us women are a lot to blame here!!!) want the WEDDING and when it comes to the MARRIAGE… we just don’t want to put in the work. Guys, I should say Girls, if it’s too much work it probably was already before the wedding, but you probably changed your personalities and thought that once you got married everything would change! Well, it probably did, just not the way you expected. So take some responsibility and really look at what’s going on and what you can do to make it work, if it’s something you still want.
But I digress! After all we are only talking about having different approaches to money and how we spend it, oh! Wait! That’s a big part of why there are so many divorces! Yes, so maybe, it’s something we should really think and talk about because it’s that important. Just like if you are a stay at home mum you have the same right to the money that your partner earns and your partner has the same right to the kids! That’s why … and here I go again getting off topic!
I guess you’ve realised where I’m going with this! Compromise and understanding are key to make a relationship work, just like in the love languages, the book I talked about last week, you have to dig and find out which one speaks to your partner and which one is yours so that you can communicate and know exactly what the other one expects and that’s where the conversation should start!
I remember being married for a few months and my “new husband“ asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said “Nothing, I have you“. Guess what I got for Christmas? No, not nothing, a box of chocolates!!! For Valentine’s Day a couple of months later, same question, same answer, guess what I got? Yep, a box of chocolates. So my birthday is up in a couple of weeks and there was no question but guess what I got? YEP! So when Christmas comes around again I buy myself a gift give it to him and say “This is what you are getting me for Christmas! No more chocolates!“ (I got a watch, by the way!)
One thing was sure, if he said nothing and got nothing he wouldn’t complain, but if he wanted some tool or a watch, he would ask for it, but if I gave him like a ticket to a concert… he would think I had wasted money, because he’d rather get the hammer that he could use to put furniture together or work in the garden (or whatever you use it for!). And for me, if I’d been honest and told him what I really wanted I would have saved some heartache each time I got that *** box off chocolates, but he was all happy because that’s what I had asked for… he once suggested getting me some appliance for the kitchen and that almost drove us to divorce… just kidding… maybe!
I hope that in my twisted way you still got the information I wanted you to have.
So remember, compromise, understanding and communication!
These are the keys to get your partner on board on anything! 😉
Sara
