It’s the most Wonderful time of the Year!
You all know I love all things Christmas! The weather, yes I’ve spent many Christmas in the southern hemisphere and yes, I loved it, but there’s just something about snow, a white bearded old man in a red suit and hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows…
If I’m being honest, I’ve been nesting from right about after Thanksgiving. I’ve been getting into the Christmas Mood. My choice of music (all Christmas carols and songs from back in the day to today, of course!) seems to annoy everyone in my house, whenever they come out of their rooms they have white things sticking out of their ears!!!! and if I need to get their attention I have to scream and shout and ultimately revert to poking them so they know I need their attention! (they are all also avoiding eye contact with me because “apparently” I’m smiling and singing, at the same time, at the top of my lungs!)
I get that this isn’t everybody’s favourite Season (even if I don’t understand why ;). I know it can be very stressful and people are going through tough times, be it because of the situation we are living worldwide, be it because of things going on with their family. Of course I have all those people that I love dearly in my mind and heart but twinkly lights have a way of getting me to hope for the best. I do like silver linings and am constantly looking out for them.
But today I want to tell you about something that happened to me this week! I didn’t know if I should but, well, I’m only human and I really want you to know that the struggle is real no matter where you find yourself in life! You know I love budgets and I don’t always stick to them but I do a “happy-dance” whenever I do! You also know all my conundrums with cards (mostly credit cards!). Well, this year, for the first time in forever, we, my husband and I, decided that we would leave a lot of “extra” money in our “everyday” bank account because we are going away right after Christmas and because of holidays, it would be easier to have the money already there.
This week, I was out shopping for the last Christmas gifts I needed to get and I went into a store that I’ve been “eyeing” for years but had never gone in because it looks very nice and expensive. You also know I’m not about brands but if I like something and I know I can afford it, I buy it. So here I was, going into the store to buy a gift… the lady came and asked if I needed any help, I told her what I was looking for and sure enough, she had exactly what I wanted and I don’t know how, but from a 150€ piece of clothing we went on to a 250€ piece… Now, I was sure I didn’t want to pay that much for that item and the lady wasn’t even pushing it, she was just showing me what she had!
During the time the lady was talking and selling her products this is what was going through my mind: “OMG I’m not going to pay that much, it’s not THAT nice. But if I say I prefer the cheaper one she is going to think I don’t have money to pay for the more expensive, I want her to know that I have the money, that I can buy it if I want… I wonder if she saw my car… Do I even want to buy the cheaper one? If I walk out without buying, what’s she going to think? Why did I come into the store! For so many years I’ve been avoiding coming in… it’s rude if I don’t buy something. I bet she thinks I’m thinking if I have the money. Why didn’t I bring my designer bag! That way she would know I have the money… should I tell her I have the money but I’m not sure about the item after all? I’m going to die before getting out of here!!!!!”
I kid you not! The most stressful 30 seconds of my week! Right about then, I tell the lady that, it’s a Christmas gift and I want to make sure I have the right size and that I’d come back. But what started coming up for me was, if I was buying the item online, what would be my criteria? Well, very honestly, I would look at the 3 I liked most and if they all probably decide on the cheaper one! I realised that this year, because I knew I had money in my bank account, I was getting back to my old habits of walking into a store and make sure that people knew I could buy whatever I wanted. But what was really important to me was what people thought, not what I actually wanted! I was so disappointed in myself once again! You see, after years of working on myself and on my finances and getting to a place where I feel good with my life, this happens!
This incident got me to think about the gifts we had gotten for our children (adult children!) and they are the kind of gifts that we had said we’d give them on birthdays not at Christmas because they are a bit expensive and it doesn’t make sense to spend all that money at a time where family and giving should be the priority, at least to us. And yet, here we are! So I decided to abdicate of the small things I wanted to get for them and for me and my husband and instead I bought 3 Christmas gifts for children with cancer who are hospitalised. So, on Christmas day, my children will each get a certificate with the name of the child the gift was for as a reminder that we have to do our part in the world and make a difference. This is a tradition I hope we start from now on, I want them to change another association or charity they would like to contribute to next year and it doesn’t have to be money it can be volunteering. It took me only a minute to forget 10 years of hardship (especially financial) and to get back to old habits! I was not prepared for it!
I hope you realise that you are not the only one who struggles. Old habits die hard and it’s even harder when you go the way alone. When you don’t have people supporting you on your journey it can be very challenging! I’m here to tell you to not give up! You can do this! Here’s proof! If I can, so can you!
S – The Sparkling Budgeteer